Dear Etty,

As a NOVES member, I understand that the Society looks to me for financial support.  However, I am feeling uncomfortable about the frequency of requests for donations when I am not doing all that well.  Any suggestions about how I can deal with these negative feelings?

Dough Boy

Dear DB,

While it is doubtful that the Society could exist without asking its members for financial support, you can manage how you process such requests.  For example, imagine that a social action committee member has just asked persons attending Sunday platform to make a donation to assist impoverished women and children.  The member says to the audience, “I hope you will give generously to this worthy cause.”   Because you are likely predisposed to resent any solicitations, perhaps the following thoughts are going through your head. Ugh.  Another demand for money.  I can hardly pay my bills.  On the other hand, how can I be such an uncaring jerk by withholding funds for an emergency shelter for destitute women and children?  I guess I will throw in a few bucks.  But it sure seems like I am always digging into my pocket.  Let’s consider another method for processing this request.  The collection this morning is for a charity that provides emergency food and shelter to women and children.  I would feel good about helping impoverished women and children.  On the other hand, I am anxious about over spending. Well, I guess I have a need to contribute and a need to ensure my own well-being.  Ethics is often about being in touch with your feelings and needs.  In the second dialogue, you (1) restated the solicitation into objective language, (2) considered your feelings, and (3) considered which of your needs would be met by contributing – or not.  Now it’s time to (4) make a request of yourself to meet your needs.  I will make a token contribution this morning.  In addition, I will figure out what, if anything, I can afford to contribute each month in light of my finances.  By the way, you do not have to justify your decisions to others … ‘to thine own self be true.’   

Etty

Are you feeling uncertain about an ethical quandary?  Send an e-mail to Etty932@cox.net