Dear Etty,

I received a call the other day from a work colleague with whom I am friendly.  She was upset after receiving an especially critical annual review that she felt was also unfair.  She told me that much of the criticism centered on her failure to inform higher-ups about developing issues.  I think she deserved some of the criticism.  She wants to talk with me about the review.  Do I owe her an honest reaction?

Crying Shoulder

Dear Shoulder,

Having grown old, King Lear sought flattering assurances from his three daughters before bequeathing them his kingdom while he remained alive.  Regan and Goneril eagerly complied and received his wealth and sovereign powers.  Upon declaring that she was incapable of that “glib and oily art,” Lear banished Cordelia because she bluntly told him that he would be making a grievous error by surrendering his kingdom to any of his daughters during his lifetime.  

You can choose to act like Regan and Goneril and feed into your colleague’s sense of injustice by telling her what she wants to hear – “Those jerks don’t deserve your talent.”  Alternatively, you can choose to be brutally honest like Cordelia – “You got yourself into this predicament by neglecting to keep your bosses informed about significant issues.”  Finally, you can choose to use empathy to bring out the best in your colleague and yourself – “I would be feeling hurt and angry if my annual review was overwhelmingly negative.  I would also be scared that my job might be in jeopardy.  I would also want someone to remind me about my positive qualities, point out areas in which I can improve, and help me brainstorm about meeting management’s expectations.  Are you all right with my providing this type of feedback?”  You are not responsible for fixing things for her with management.  Neither ethics nor honesty demands that you offer false praise or harsh criticism, which is fine for Shakespearean tragedies but not so hot for bringing out the best.

Etty

Are you feeling uncertain about an ethical quandary?  Send an e-mail to steamer64@cox.net